I have been so busy lately that having time to write here is pure luxury. So, I am grateful for today…. for this moment to share what has been very much on my mind of late.
As my friends and family know, I have met and have chatted on the Internet with a small group of women for a few months now. Chatting is brand new to me – and what an experience it has been! It’s been at the same time good and awful.
The Internet chat that I am a member of is focused around the horrific but fascinating Casey Anthony case. (If you happen to live your life in close proximity to newspaper headlines, or watch cable news, or if you are a true-crime buff – as I am – then you know that Casey Anthony is currently awaiting trial in a central Florida jail cell, having been accused of killing her 2 year old daughter.) If you are aware of the case, then you know how wretchedly maddening, yet interesting the cast of characters in this drama are – how the stories wind and spin out of control in the media circus that it has become. It’s very much a Shakespearean tragedy, but worse.
Anyway, on to my story, or rather, on to my letter to two women who have stalked and bullied in cyberspace a whole community of people. I am their most recent (and thankfully, last) victim. Telling my story will also explain part of the other victim’s stories, too. And, chances are, when the victims read this, they may comment here and explain their horror, too.
My story is subtitled: The Dangerous Games My Cyber-Bullies Played
These are two people who I would love to hate, but cannot. I met these two cyber bullies, I’ll call them Judge and Jury, a few months ago in a wonderful and fun Internet chat community.
I grew to enjoy Judge and Jury a great deal – we had many laughs – as in LOL, LMAO, or ROTFLMAO! Well, our conversations were, for a good while, stimulating and interesting, fun and silly, smart and, at times, drama-filled, but generally filled with a lot of laughter.
And then…oh so slowly, almost without perception, signs of jealousy and sophomoric behavior crept in. Ugly back-biting began to erupt and became the norm, which caused Judge and Jury to attack other chatters with a warlike vengeance. Soon they began to plot “attacks” against other chatters. They punished the “treason” of other chatters via what they called thier “Pearl Harbor Attacks” (against other chatters). In the Pearl Harbor attacks, Judge and Jury would “post” dozens of screen shots (JPG pictures) that were distasteful and/or embarrassing to the victim of thier attack.
And, after one or two of these episodes, I began (oh so slowly) to see the vicious intent behind the games. And then, shortly thereafter, I was looking down the lens of their cannon… they were gunning for me with a vengeance so evil it is disturbing. (PS…You will have to suspend your disbelief while reading this odd tale.)
Judge and Jury threatened my employment, threatened me, and laughed at the thought of my dying, or loosing my job. They constantly discussed my “sick blog writing”, they accused me of being gay, and so many more terrible and hateful musings. And, irony of ironies, one of the cyber-bullies claims to be a Mental Health Professional. (Reminder as you continue reading – these two women are in their late forties, early fifties.) So, here is my letter to them – which I will never send.
Dear Judge and Jury:
I am writing this to put a stop to any retaliation thoughts that you two may try to hatch. I saw the disgusting and sick things you wrote, and frankly, it is unconscionable that someone your age, in your profession, should be behaving in this cruel and evil fashion.
The conversations that I witnessed literally made me sick to my stomach. And, so I am saying this with all honesty: if you attempt to retaliate against me or anyone of the chatters, I will take action, as chat archives can be accessed via subpoena; surely you would not want those evil writings to be made public?
You see, I found your writings thanks to your persistent visits to my blog. Because my blog reveals the URL of your chat room, I simply had to click the URL to see for myself your sick collection of screen shots, your vile emails, your persistent and perverse cyber-bullying tactics, and your devious stalking of me.
I saw evidence of your delight in the suffering of others. How you relished and celebrated thoughts about what could be occurring related to my health. This is paraphrased, but I actually saw you both engage in this conversation about me – wondering if you’d hear from me via email, you said:
“I wonder will she email us, do you think? Nah, we’ll probably get an email from her brother saying she’s dead – her brother will contact us that she’s dead and will ask us: ‘are you the friends that Andrea spoke so dearly of…ha ha ha!” “Yeah, she’ll die with a death-grip on her little dog; she’ll be all swollen and teary, hugging her damn dog with a death grip.”
I saw you discuss my employment; you had my employer’s website and other sites and items related to me in your room and how you’d love to get me fired from my job! And you wished you’d gain access to my LinkedIn account to “mess it up”.
And, I saw you write the following in regards to another chatter, who’s picture you stole, and wrote foul things upon. You said about this chatter:
“She’s so f-ugly. Pull up her picture – let’s write this: AM I A MAN OR A WOMAN? LOL. She will have a sh*t-fit, and I will love it. She has no f*ckin idea we have her picture. When she sees it, I hope it makes her cry. I will laugh as she cries….ahhh, she’s cryin’ I’ll be laughing that she’s crying.”
When you finished writing your hate on her picture, and showing the picture in the Internet chat room, you said this: “Man, we rocked it!” “Well, hell, this was fun.”
I saw the months and month’s worth of screen shots and evil writings that you two had shared. I had no idea that you were playing such sick games, and for such a long time. I was amazed at how you two relished and delighted in the suffering of others. You celebrated my health problems…you laughed and mused at my death! You laughed that I would die with a death-grip around my dog. How could you think, much less SAY/WRITE such things?
Where is your compassion? Where is your humanity? Where is your honesty? How could you be so cruel? Why would you engage in such behavior?
I am not so naïve to hope for an apology or to fanaticize that you are recalcitrant and see the error of your ways… I would hope… but I know better.
I do feel sorry for you. I am very sorry that you chose the path of hate and evil as I know that somewhere in your heart there is kindness, and I will continue to pray for you.
Lastly, despite your hatred of me, despite everything, I do forgive you, and I honestly wish you peace, and I hope that, as you move on in life, some measure of humanity and kindness will gracefully soften your heart and lighten the guilt that I, quite frankly, hope that you feel.
Still with sadness,
Post Script: Judge and Jury have been shut out of the Internet chat community – FOR GOOD! ♫♥♫♥♫