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an empty space

Lilly at age 15 or 16
Lilly at age 15 or 16

It’s been a very long week. 

Lilly, my 19-year-old cat, is out of pain now. 
I couldn’t do it.  My heart was already too pained; I couldn’t manage it.  My kind-hearted step-father, Bill, did it for me – took Lilly to be euthanized at the vet this past Thursday morning. 10:30 a.m was the appointment.  
I wanted to be the one to take her but knew I couldn’t. Even though I know the decision to put her to sleep was the most loving thing for her (her quality of life was negligent at this point), I was not, am not, strong enough to see it through.     
Bill said he cried during and after.  He knew Lilly for 19 years, too.  He loved her as I did. 
At 19 she was growing feeble; cried constantly from pain and yet, when I so much as looked at her – even for a moment – she purred her vigorous purr.  I’ve never known a cat with such a loud purr.  
That purr often was my alarm clock in the morning.  Even though her coarse and wet tongue licked my closed eyelids, it was the purr that would wake me.  She even purred in her sleep, and would wake her self up, too.  It was funny to see that.   Kind of like how some of us wake ourselves up snoring; well, she’d wake up with a start, dazed.  Then, she’d curl back up into a tighter ball and drift off quickly again right after. 
She looked equal parts salt and pepper with that gorgeous long coat that was so much work.  Her personality was equal parts sugar and spice.  Old age didn’t damper her sweetness, though at age 19, she grew more shrill.
It’s the empty space she left that is difficult to deal with.  I remind myself that she is happier, and at rest.  It’s just the empty space that breaks my broken heart now.

“I got rhythm….”

american heartThis is an update about my still beating heart (which continues to be grateful for each day). 

Though I have kept up with all the important Casey Anthony news of late – and there have been some extremely important events recently which I hope to write about soon – my mind has been set to another channel lately.

If you read my previous posts about my recovery from stupidity, having pulled (finally) my head out of the sand to focus on serious heart-health issues; this is an update.  

 Recently my cardiologist sent me to see another kind of heart specialist called an Electrophysiologist.  This kind of cardiologist specializes in the treatment and cure of electrical problems in the heart – rewiring of foolish hearts like mine are his specialty.   

The electric-like capacity of the heart is the engine that chugs along by virtue of what should be a steady rhythm of the heart beat.  My rhythm is has gone south, apparently, and needs, like a drain, to be snaked clear of debris.

(I have to admit I have trouble remembering the word Electrophysiologist; it has been far removed from my lexicon.) 

But, my dear Electrophysiologist says my heart issue is Arrhythmia, or Tachycardia. 

You see, the heart monitor, the “Holter” that I wore for a 24 hour period a couple of weeks ago showed signs of excessively fast beats that were measured to be dangerously high. 

My symptoms have included:

 Frequent palpitations – the kind that you feel in your throat; shortness of breath; dizziness, imbalance; extreme fatigue, anxiety; chest pains (though not severe), and swollen feet and ankles. 

These symptoms, taken together, paint the picture of Arrhythmia, or Tachycardia.  Now, Tachycardia involves the ventricles.  If the problem is in the lower ventricles, and if left untreated, will lead to certain death by heart attack.  However, Tachycardia in the upper ventricles is less threatening. 

We don’t know where my problem lies, but I go into the hospital on Monday and we’ll find out.  

I am scheduled to have an Electrophysiology Study (EPS), and most likely an Ablation.  My doctor also advised me that a pacemaker may be needed, or some other electrical device implanted to restore my natural rhythm.  (I choose not to think about implants or pacemakers – I am strong and otherwise healthy and hope and pray that the cure for me will be medication.)    

The procedure on Monday will require a hospital stay as it is invasive.  The procedure involves placing a small incision in the groin or upper leg area and running three long catheters up though the blood vessels and right into the middle of the heart! These three snake-like things (catheters) have little pacemakers at the ends of them and cameras, too, and will poke and prod and shock and cajole the heart for as much as four hours. 

If a pacemaker is needed, one will be at the ready – but, let me tell you this – hear me now: That pacemaker does not have my name on it!  

But, if I need to befriend some lonely pacemaker, so be it.  I do want to be healthy.  So, whatever it takes…. I will come back here and will sing this to you:

“I got rhythm… dad dum dum…. I got music… dad dum dum….  will get my heart fixed…. Dad dum dum…. who could ask for anything more… Who. Could. Ask. For. Any. Thing. MoreDaaaaa dum dummmmm!

See you soon!


happy (relaxing) labor day

Sometimes it’s important to work for that pot of gold. But other times it’s essential to take time off and to make sure that your most important decision in the day simply consists of choosing which color to slide down on the rainbow.  (Douglas Pagels)



The news seemed to just keep coming today, didn’t it? 

In case you haven’t heard, there were 3 nearly heart-stopping events revealed today in the case against Casey Anthony.

Result one:  The Check-Fraud Case

Judge Strickland announced his decision that the check fraud case (13 felony counts) will take place as soon as possible, prior to the murder trial.  This is a deafening blow for the defense. 

As a convicted felon, if she is convicted in the murder trial, these felony charges would weigh more heavily in sentencing in the murder case.  In addition, these “past bad acts” may be considered by the jury as it relates to Casey’s character and penchant for criminal acts. 

This is certainly a worst case scenario for the defense.  Even though the defense attempted to argue they were too consumed with the murder case to represent her properly in the felony case; it was a shallow argument.  One would think the true reason for wanting to put off the felony case is the serious impact it will have on the murder case.  And it will.

Result two: The “Rare” Duct Tape

WKMG-Channel 6 uncovered information that appears to be highly damaging in regards to the rarity of the type and kind of duct tape found on the gas can from the Anthony’s home, and the tape found wrapped around little Caylee’s skull.  It was a “rare” brand of Henkel tape, says Tony Pipitone, reporter from WKMG, who also reported that originally the defense poo-poo’d the “Henkel” brand of duct tape, dismissing it as “common” tape, found nearly everywhere.  As it turns out, the opposite is true:

…state Attorney Jeff Ashton contacted the Henkel company, now known as ShurTech Brands, and discovered the tape found with the body and on the gas can was actually an extremely rare type of industrial fire resistant tape.

Pipitone went on to point out that the odds of finding this rare brand of tape connected to the same case, in different locations, would be approximately “250,000 to 1.”

Furthermore, in a just released FBI lab report, it was concluded that the duct tape sample found at the Anthony home and the sample found with Caylee’s remains…

…are comparable to one another in all physical attributes and in the chemical composition of their backing and adhesive components. Therefore, they originated from the same source roll of tape or from rolls of tape manufactured in the same manner.

Result three, the Trifecta: Audio and Video Tapes

The State Attorney’s office will release tomorrow morning (Friday, 9/4), more evidentiary items which will include audio and video clips.  The Orlando Sentinel reported that tomorrow’s release will include an interview with Leonard Padilla.  Let’s hope it also includes an interview with Tracy McLaughlin, associate of Leonard Padilla, who was in close proximity to Casey for nearly two weeks, and who reportedly formed a bond with Casey.

I like this horserace!  Trifecta’s are the way to go!

Can we say, all together now, Yippee!


it’s official: check fraud case will be heard before murder trial

According to media sources, Judge Strickland has ruled that the check-fraud case against Casey Anthony will be heard prior to the murder trial.  This is an important decision, and there was much speculation with regards to how Strickland would rule. 

It appears that Judge Strickland has based his decision on the weight of the impact to the victim, Amy Huizenga, who has a right to have the case heard and resolved. 

If Huizenga prevails, and Casey Anthony is found guilty in this case, then she will stand trial for murder with a felony conviction on her record, adding weight in sentencing for the murder trial should she be found guilty. 

The state has agreed to a non jury trial.  It is anyone’s guess if the defense will agree to a non jury trial or not.

Stay tuned.

Here are links to WESH and Orlando Sentinel sources for this topic:


ORLANDO SENTINEL:,0,5656942.story


snail mail in jail – was Baez nailed?

jail_letter_openWESH news today reported an interesting tidbit of information.  Now, this is nothing earth shattering, but it speaks to the self-important and arrogant nature of some of the players around Casey Anthony’s defense team, as well as her family.

It seems that Jose Baez has been smuggling in letters from the Anthony’s to Casey.  And coincidentally, the Orange County Jail is reemphasizing an old rule about contraband letters – reminding all visitors of the rules, though they claim their reinforcement of this rule has no relationship to this story.

People in law enforcement and lawyers understand – they know – they are taught from day one – that there are very strict rules around bringing information or items (i.e. contraband) in from the “outside” to an inmate in a jail.  It is a given, a procedure that has always been generally understood – a no-brainer.  

Does Casey Anthony’s attorney, Jose Baez, and her parents, George and Cindy Anthony, believe they are above these types of rules?  Silly me for asking… their actions tell the story.    

It just makes me wonder if Jose Baez believes that because he is the-great-and-famous-Jose-Baez-defender-of-Casey Anthony, that he is above reproach, has special privileges?   

In the big picture of this case, this particular story may be a small issue; but in truth, though I may be way off, to me this speaks of an arrogant attempt to maneuver outside of lawful boundaries.

According to WESH, the Anthony’s are now going to mail their letters directly to Casey in the jail. Of course, this is the proper procedure, but a rule the Anthony’s wouldn’t like as snail mail is opened and read by jail officials prior to it being delivered to an inmate.

The procedures for mail delivery to an inmate are provided in the below link.   The Florida Department of Corrections rules and procedures about letter writing are very clear, as you will see:

Play fair, Jose.

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