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October 16, 2011

11

love jazz, part one

by Andrea O'Connell

Hey Internet.   Jazz here.   Remember me?

I’m still here even though she took my picture away!  I’m still here.

You remember me now?

My face used to be all over the place in here.  Remember that handsome picture of me?

She replaced me with a dead butterfly.

Heck if I know why.

Those butterflies were real once, I guess.

My picture is better than a dead butterfly, okay?

It gets me sad.  I can’t explain it.  I’m not really a good explain-er of things.  I’m a dog, after all.  (By the way, this is new to me, so don’t expect me to wax-poetic here, okay?)

So I’m here instead of her – the lover-of-dead-butterflies-better-than-me.

I’m here because she just kicked me off her lap.

She said, “Jazzy, I need my lap to read the paper,” and told me to get down.

I wish I could make decisions around here for once in my life!  I was comfortable, too.

Well, the plain truth is:  I hate it when she sits there crinkling the paper.  She says, “I’m reading the paper, Jazz.”  Oh?  Well, “Ruff-ruff, I don’t care,” I say.  But I do care.

All she’s doing is crinkle crinkle crinkling that paper and it’s LOUD, and it drives me up the wall!

Don’t get me wrong, she is the best human any dog could want.  Lots of other dogs in my neighborhood dig her – and I hate that!  I hate when she’s cool with the other dogs, it really kills me!  It’s like a knife in my heart.

I can’t help my jealousy, I was born that way.  People don’t understand me because my tail won’t stop wagging even when I want it to.

She knows how jealous I am and she gets mad.  Sometimes she even raises her voice at me and I really hate that.  She doesn’t get it – she’s mine – she’s only mine.

She lets any human sit on my couch.  They move my things around. They play with my pillows.

The worst is when some human is so big they can’t feel when they’re sitting right on top of my toy.  I go out of my mind when they do that and they always do.

When they get in my face because I’m acting nutty, it really makes me crazy.  Sweat comes pouring out of my mouth and my tongue hangs on the left of my mouth and it looks stupid and I scratch at the humans legs and at the couch and all they do is yell at me!

But, it’s MY TOY THEY ARE SITTING ON!

They don’t care that it’s MY TOY!

Well, I don’t care that my long nails scratch their pale skin!

I scratch like crazy but then I keep getting yelled at and I really hate that, but it sure doesn’t stop me until she gets involved and all of a sudden I’m where I really want to be – in her arms.

Home is when I’m in her arms.

I’m in one of her arms actually.  I am really balancing on her shoulder.  (I rest my feet on an elastic thing that’s across her body and under her shirt – she calls it an over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder thing.)

So, I can balance real good ’cause my legs and chin hang over her shoulder and it’s the best.  I works perfect UNTIL she moves to talk to another human.   I go crazy when she does that with me on her shoulder!

I can’t even stand it when she’s looking at another human!  I hate it. Can’t help it. I hate it. I do.

Jealousy is my only flaw (except for the five times I pooped in her bathroom and once on her bed).   I really had to go, okay?  I told you I have only two flaws! That aint’ too bad for a dog, right?

Why am I getting defensive?

I’m sorry, okay?

That’s not like me.  I’m a pretty happy kid, usually.

If you wanna know the truth, I’m itchy ’cause I didn’t sleep good last night.  It’s her fault.

We went to sleep real late because she had her tablet that glows that she reads from.  She reads in the bed with that thing when all I want to do is sleep.

That’s about the extent of what she does anyway.  She sits on the couch, sits at the computer.  Sits on the couch; sits at the computer. Sits on the couch; sits at the compu….  Well, you get the picture?

Sometimes she takes me out.  Me and her and her mom (my Grammy), we take my bed and other stuff and we go in my car.  I like to be in the back, in my bed where I can see her.  When she stops she looks back at me and says sweet things and it feels so good and makes me and my tail so happy.

We ride in my car to a house where there are three other humans – one who is small and blond.  There are two dogs there and I tolerate them.  There’s a bird and two fish.  And they got some grass, too!  Man, that back-yard is long and wide!  There’s nothing like that yard!   There are a lot of stories to smell in that grass – all kinds of stories to smell.  I’ll tell you some of the stories I’ve smelled there when I get a chance to sneak back to her computer.

You know…. She goes out a lot without me.  I like to go with her.  I used to cry when she left me alone. I’m okay now about it.  I deal with it now, you know?  Now I just sleep and dream until she comes back.

Dreams are awesome, too!   Dreams are cool – when they’re good dreams.

When they’re not good it’s not like dreamin’ at all.  It’s nightmarin’.

Uh-oh, I really gotta go!  She’s coming!!!!   See ya!

Love,

Jazz

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11 Comments Post a comment
  1. Oct 16 2011

    Jazz, you are a super cutie!

    Reply
    • Oct 16 2011

      Hey, thanks so much! You can’t really tell by the picture, but I do need a bath…. (hate them!)

      Reply
  2. Faith
    Oct 16 2011

    Hi Jazz
    My name is Tommy. I’m a Siamese cat,well almost Siamese,my mother was indiscreet,a bit on the “easy” side if you know what I mean. I sleep alot too,and even talk in my sleep sometimes. I talk a lot sometimes it just drives Faith crazy. The last week or so she’s been in a great deal of pain so she’s touchy and sometimes even yells at me. She’s seeing her acupunturist again so maybe she’ll feel better and stop with the yelling already. Well it’s been nice talking to you gotta go take a rest. Write again soon.

    Reply
    • Oct 16 2011

      Hey Tommy,

      I talk in my sleep, too! Well, I yelp mostly.

      It’s when I’m in the deep, deep sleep and i see my self sitting in a bowl of cookies and all my toys are around me… that’s when I just go crazy and woooo hoooo, the yelping and yahoo-ing I do until she wakes me up and I realize I’m back in the land of occasional cookies, not heaps of ’em. And I remember that she doesn’t let me eat crazy food which is good really, I guess. (Damn, but I love those cookies!)

      And, hey, why don’t you get a bit of acupuncture too? I’m sure it will make you both feel tip top!

      And I sure do hope my dear Faith is resting well and feeling better.

      Love, Jazz

      Reply
  3. weezie
    Oct 16 2011

    Hi Jazz; Gigi here, reporting from my side. I was lost and then I was found. Boy was I scared. I think I got turned around in my direction home and 10 whole days later, including 3 huge rainy, stormy, windy days & nights,cold and alone. When I was found Weezie grabed me up about 5 blocks from home, and cuddled me for the whole weekend. I kinda snuggled and slept for long periods of time, cause I was pooped!! I don’t think I want to do that route over again. There are strange creatures lurking out there, and I think I just got lucky. No, no do overs for me. I taught myself that I can fend for food and shelter. I ate mice and flies, wandered the stream and pretty much got a bunch of strangers petting me even though they didn’t take me home, thank god. I’m with you about jealousy. There are traits in this family. It’s not me that jealous though, it’s my stepsister who’s been around for alot longer than me. I’m 1, she’s 9. She had a sister but was killed last year, and that’s how I came to this new home of mine. I was left at the Pet store after all my siblings got adopted. I was the only one left, just waiting for someone to take me. This nice mama of mine picked me, she really likes me. And my Papa, well he’s great cause I sleep on top of him or at his side, cause he’s big and warm. I know he hates it cause he can’t move or toss like he used to. He complains in the morning that his hips are hurting. I just pretend I didn’t hear that, and do it all over again. Now that winter’s coming, I go out in the morning and get back to the pad about 4pm. It’s not like the Summer when I would frolick till 10 or so. Anyway that makes Mama mad so I guess she’s happy it’s getting colder, so she can keep an eye on me. Jazz, looks like you and me have great parents. I’m off to have my nap since I just got home, ate my dinner, got combed out, by Papa. It’s all to exhausting to say one more word. purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

    Reply
    • Oct 16 2011

      Well, Gigi, I’m older than you so I hope you’ll heed my advice and make sure you stick close to home! The winters in your part of the world are brutal – you’re too young to know that, but it’s true.

      And, I gotta paw it to ya, you’re one hell of a brave kitty! Thank heaven you got adopted by such loving humans! There are some really good ones out there!

      I love cats, by the way because I grew up with one. You guys are pretty clever, and I admire you a whole bunch!

      Talk to you later, Gigi.

      Love,
      Jazz

      Reply
  4. Oct 16 2011

    Hey, psst…Jazz! It’s me, Buster! I’m Sherry’s dog. I hear you have a cat for a sister. I got 4 brothers of the feline kind. Now, that I just hate! One of ’em likes to smack me in the behind when I try to walk past him. Now I’m an old blind dog and I hate it when I run into one of ’em. I’d rather run into the door than a darn ol’ hissy fittin’ cat! They spit at me and their breath is enough to gag a flea! Oooh! I hate fleas, too. I hate itchin’! Momma thought I had fleas and she flea bathed me nearly drowning me! I hate baths! Then she finally figured it out when she couldn’t find any fleas on me. I’m allergic to wheat products. I hate wheat products! Makes me itch constantly! Worse than fleas!

    Ooo~gotta run! Daddy’s eatin’ dinner! I love when daddy’s eatin’ dinner!

    Reply
    • Oct 16 2011

      Buster Buster the Duster! How you doing? Hey guy, I know what it’s like to be around cats, but you got it bad, brother with four of ’em. Sheesh! I’m cool with Beau – oh,. he’s my brother, by the way! Anyway, for a cat, Beau is cool. He said he likes me best when I’m sleeping. He’s all black and use to have black whiskers but now they are white whiskers He said I caused his white whiskers. He said he aged a lot since I got here. I do’t know what he’s saying – he is more eloquent than me with words.

      I like the guy, though. I creep up on him and scare the hell outta him and he swats but misses me every time. I love to chase him around – he likes it too.

      So, I’m pretty glad I got a cat for a brother.Don’t let those cats push you around, Buster! They’re really just big scaredy cats anyway.

      hang tough Buster Boy,

      Love
      Jazz

      Reply
      • Oct 17 2011

        I see Buster snuck in here to comment! I wondered what he was doing in my chair. 😕

        Buster has an outdoor cat to contend with, too. She loves to bump against him. He’s nearly blind so he stiffens up when he smells her near him. I’m thinking of naming her Weezie… 😆

  5. Oct 16 2011

    Hi Jazz! My name is Kitti (altho I’m a dog). Oh, don’t be fooled by my human companion, who STOLE my name to use as her name on blogs. She says hers is too uncommon and complicated for people to pronounce (hey, really….who needs to PRONOUNCE names on blogs, right?) Anyway, I feel yer pain, bro! Those humans can be a real pain in the…uh, the tail. You won’t believe what my momma did. She brought home a CAT!! A little one. It’s been here for about 3 weeks now. It was abandoned at an age way too young to even be removed from its own momma. And you know what she did with it?? She stayed up with it all night, for nights on end. Feeding the darned thing every 2 hours. By hand! Carrying it around like a spoiled little baby, cooing to it, kissing its head and face. Combing it and cuddling it. Ugh. Our usual evening walks were replaced with momma spending every minute with that cat. Special food. Special heated blankies, special washcloths to wash its face with. Hey, who’s washing my face? Nobody, that’s who!

    But the truth is, I do love that kitten. I tried to pretend that I didn’t, but I couldn’t keep up that facade for very long. I liked to lick its little face (especially when it had mushy food all over it!) Now that the kitten is all well and very lively, we do have some pretty good times. But I’m not real crazy about the times that she sneaks up on me when I’m snoozing. She leaps and latches onto my butt with her little razor sharp claws. I jump up in surprise and she goes flying! Then she chases me around the dining table, and it really is a lot of fun.

    The good news is…now that the kitten is so much better, momma now has the time to spend with me again. She never really did totally brush me off. And I understood that, at least for a little while, somebody else needed my momma as much as I do. And it has paid off in the long run, because now I have a new little sister. Despite her being a cat, I still love her!

    Reply
    • Oct 17 2011

      Well, Hi Kitt! I must say, you have a lovely name and you have a
      GREAT mom, too and it sounds like she really loves you.

      I’m so glad you’re cool with the kitten now, too! I really dig cats – they are really fun when they’re not sleepin’ all the time.

      You take good care of that kitten and have fun!

      Love Jazz

      Reply

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